Well I just got back from a three week visit in Illinois with my daughter, her boyfriend and his two girls. It was a good visit all around. In my opinion anyway.
This year I was dreading the visit because of one who would not be there. One who would greet me with smiles and giggles. A little boy that would delight in visiting with his gramma.
Christian passed away 6 months ago on the 7th of January. His 8th birthday was on the 5th of July and of course the 4th of July was his favorite holiday because he thought all the fireworks and stuff was just for him. We are all guilty of helping him believe that.
So yes, this year was a hard one. His ashes are kept in a beautiful wooden box with his picture etched on the cover. I found a sense of "closure" while there. Not that I would ever forget this amazing little soul, but a sort of peace settled over me. It was like he came and showed me that it was important for us to move on with our lives and not be sad all of the time. That some day we would be together once again.
I'm not sure if I really believe that but it is comforting to think that it just must be so. That our lives don't just end when our bodies give out. That our souls do in fact live on and we are all reunited again in another place.
This vacation gave me the opportunity to say goodbye once again to my little angel. I still cry for him, though not all of the time. I still miss him calling me on the phone and leaving me cute messages. I still miss the touch of him, the smell of him and the site of him. I will always miss these things and the touch of him but I will try to keep faith that I will see him again when this body of mine is used up.
Until then, I will grieve for the loss of him and revel in all of the memories of this amazing little boy.
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2 comments:
I'm trying this post again because I LOST my first one. Just wanted to tell you how moved I was by your tribute to Christian. I understand the grief and despair of losing one so young - my nephew died at the age of 9 and it took YEARS for the grief to abate. I am so sorry for your loss.
jill,
i'm so sorry i did't write sooner. i guess people actually do read my blog. i'm not used to checking for comments which will change. visiting my blog is going to be a daily thing though i might not post every day at least anyone that comments will get a response from me... looking at the year of this post i'm ashamed that it took so long. i've only recently been able to go play in either my craft room or my sewing room. i even made some Christmas presents this year.
your words touched my heart. it's hard losing anyone, i dread the day i lose my mom, she just turned 80 and celebrated her wedding anniversary with my dad recently in february. it was their 62nd anniversary. amazing huh...
i hope this message finds you able to look on your loss with joy now of the time you had him... the happiness he brought to you and others... that's what keeps me going with my Christian... (a small tear runs down my cheek)
the best thing to come out of this tragedy is that him mom, my dautgter has a new job. she actually works at the same special school that Christian went to. she works with "special" children and absolutely loves it. and who better to work with these kids but a MOM that lived it on a daily basis....? right?
again thank you for your kind words and i promise to be more diligent to my blog... make sure to check out a couple pictures of the new "man" lol in my life. he's not only company for when hubby is gone over the road but he's actually helped me get healthy by losing much needed weight by walking him... he's my 70 pound lap dog named barkly, a black mouth cur rescue... i got him in june i think... anyway it's been almost a year and i can't see my life without him. he's very protective of me which is one of the reasons i got him.. he has a very intimidting bark so when he barks at night if anyone is outside thinking of comeing in the move on... lol
thanks again for noticing my blog,
donna
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