i know i know

long time no blog... lol well i'm here now and let's see if i can put something interesting together for y'all to read...
topic... mortality
i understand the circle of life thing and that dying is part of living and all but it doesn't mean i have to like it... or accept it... and i don't...
i used to be afraid of the pain of death... of how i was going to die and used to pray to God that it would be a peaceful and painless death.
since having kids that has all changed... becoming a mother and then a grandmother has caused me to rethink this whole dying thing.
when my kids were little all i could think about in terms of dying was that i wanted to live long enough to see them do the big things... go to school, graduate, marry and start families of their own... to see what kind of people they grew into and relish in the fact that i made it that long... then i would be at peace to thank God and move on if i had to... and now that's changed too...
next came grandchildren... now that old fear has risen up in me again... now i want to put off the inevitable... once again... for as long as i could so that i can now see my grandchildren do the big things... you know... go to school, graduate, marry... all that stuff all over again...
so there you have it... that circle of life stuff all over and over and over... it never stops... it keeps going on with or without us... just hopefully with us for a very, very long time... at least that's one of the things i pray for..